Cinderella

I am not much of a crier. I would say I'm quite emotional and dramatic but I don't cry that easily. But, the last couple of weeks have been different. On Thursday, May 15, my little baby finished preschool and graduated with cap and gown. Although I didn't cry at the graduation I probably would have if Lyla hadn't been crawling all over me. Then the following Wednesday, I got a call from a fellow teacher at preschool. When I answered the phone I knew it wasn't good. She was obviously upset and simply said, Jenny, Maria Chapman just passed away. Maria was a student at our preschool. She actually had just graduated with Grace the previous Friday. Her sister, Stevey Joy, was in Grace's class and graduated too. In a tragic accident, her 17 year old brother hit her with his car in the driveway and she passed away very quickly. I didn't know Maria extremely well. I never had her in my class at preschool but did have her when I worked in the extended day program once a week. She was the youngest daughter of the Chapman family. Steven Curtis Chapman is a gospel music singer that lives here in Franklin. He is an amazing singer, Christian, and dad. Steven even sang at the graduation. He sang his hit song, Cinderella, that was inspired by Maria and Stevey Joy. The song is about a dad who decides to dance with "Cinderella" "while she is here in my arms" because before you know it the clock with strike twelve and "she'll be gone". It goes through the dad dancing with his little Cinderella and then the girl is going to prom and then she is getting married. Their oldest daughter was actually getting engaged the weekend of the graduation too.

Their family is one that inspires you to be better. They have 3 children biologically and then adopted 3 little girls from China. He also started Shoahanna's Hope, http://www.shaohannahshope.org/. They offer grants to families wishing to adopt but can't afford the financial burden of adoption.

The preschool staff and families in Maria's class were asked to be honorary pallbearers at the funeral. I honestly didn't want to go because I didn't want to face the emotions that I knew would come. I am so glad I did though. I have never been to a funeral where I left feeling so inspired. It lasted over two hours but I didn't once think "when is this going to end". It was a celebration of her life and a call to trust in God. It was gut wrenching and I had tears running down my cheeks the majority of the two hours but it was beautiful. The family stood in front of a huge audience and shared their memories and thoughts about Maria and the tragedy. The glimpse into their lives made me want to be a better mom even more than I already do. It was the best funeral I've been too but the worst as well. The image of that small casket being wheeled past me with the family sobbing as they walked beside it will never leave my mind. I can't imagine what they are feeling and honestly pray that I never will.

I have been waiting to share this on my blog because I really didn't know what to write. I'm not a good writer. I knew that I wouldn't be able to share my thoughts and feelings in words that would do them justice.

We didn't want to share the news with Grace at first. She knew and played with Stevey Joy and Maria on a daily basis at preschool. Grace thinks about dying and heaven a lot and I didn't want her to obsess about it because it hit so close to home. But, because the family was so tied into our community and so many knew them from our church, they decided to have a special class about heaven on Sunday morning for the kids to talk about Maria and what had just happened. So, we had to tell her because she was going to hear it from someone else if we didn't. To our surprise, when we told her, all she talked about was being safe on the road so she didn't get hit like Maria. Even after the class at church she hasn't talked too much about it. When she does say anything she says Maria is in Heaven with Jesus now. She also says she feels sorry for Stevey Joy because she's afraid she won't have anyone to play with.

This week I started babysitting two girls twice a week for a friend. On the first day, the youngest girl was hit in the back of the head with a golf ball that a neighbor boy launched with a baseball bat! Talk about a traumatic day! During the chaos of the moment, Grace went to the house next door to see the little sister of the boy who hit the golf ball after I specifically told her not to. She didn't tell me she was going. While I was busy taking care of Zoe's injury I noticed that Grace wasn't around but I thought she was just down in the playroom. After things had calmed down about an hour later I started to call for Grace to get her things ready to leave. She wasn't anywhere! About that time, she came walking in the back door. She had been at the house next door! I couldn't believe she went to their house without telling me after I told her not to! I was not happy to say the least. I talked to her very seriously about the dangers of going outside without me and especially without telling me she's going. Since the accident with Maria I have been even more vigilant about street safety.

So, we went home after everything had calmed down and I knew Zoe was going to be OK. Once we got home I was putting things away in the kitchen and I heard the front door open. She was going out the front door to check the mailbox, which is on the street, by herself! This was not 30 minutes after our talk about safety and going outside alone! I immediately called a "meeting" in the dining room with Grace and Lyla. We talked for a long time about what could happen to them by going in the street and going to someones house without telling me. Then when Eric came home we went over everything all over again. It just scares me to death. I see teens, or even preteens and younger, walking our neighborhood by themselves and I think, where are their moms? Am I going to let my girls do that when they're that age? I think I have them terrified of getting killed or taken by someone. Lyla just keeps saying, "yeah, and you might bleeeeed".

But, after a long afternoon of conversations about safety and getting hurt and dying Grace finally said something that made me think. As a child, she looks at things so differently. We hold onto this life with a grip that is so tight. We don't want anyone to die at all costs. We do everything in our power to stop it. But, after talking about Maria dying and the possibility of her dying she looked at me and said, "Mom, but it's OK. Maria's with Jesus in heaven and she's OK now. It's really OK because we'll be in heaven if we die."

I just finished reading a bestselling book called "The Shack". It is a fictional book about a dad whose daughter is killed by a murderer and he can't get out of his "great sadness". Well, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit appear to him and teach him what he needs to know in order to live life to the fullest here on Earth. At one point in the book, God shows the man his daughter running and playing so that he would see how good she is in heaven. It was a neat image of a child in heaven and I keep imaging Maria like that. She's running and jumping in Jesus' arms and having a great time. I would recommend this book for anyone to read. It is fictional but it is very thought provoking and it does give a few great images of God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit to hold on to.

I guess it's because I'm getting older but it seems like there are so many more people around me that are suffering than ever before. Over the past year there have been so many deaths, miscarriages, divorce, cancer and disease in the lives of people that are in my life daily. It makes me cling to the promise of heaven and the importance of living this life with the purpose of getting there. I am also appreciating my girls much more these days. They still frustrate me daily, but I also keep hugging and kissing them and thanking God that they are healthy and here under my roof with me for one more day. I can't imagine what the Chapman's feel every night that they don't have to put Maria to bed or give her a bath. Please pray for healing for this precious family. Please pray for Will Franklin, the brother who ultimately sent Maria to heaven. Pray for Stevey Joy and the other siblings who have lost their sister and best friend.

If you would like to read more about the Chapman's, their website is. http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/ I encourage you to listen to his song and watch the video for "Cinderella". Beware though, it will most likely bring tears to your eyes.

Another gut wrenching story, that also brings me to tears, is that of a neighbor of a friend from church. She lost her newborn baby in April and then just last week her baby nephew died of SIDS. This is another family that needs prayers. Angie, the mom, has kept a blog throughout her pregnancy and loss of her newborn baby. She is an inspiration for anyone dealing with loss. You can read her story at http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com/. I would definitely recommend reading her story. She has a relationship with God and a faith in Him that we all should strive to have.